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TAMING STRESS
The Ignored Elephant In The Room – How Will You Handle It?
There’s an elephant in the middle of every lawsuit that is seldom recognized and addressed. To the degree you tame it, you’ll have excellent testimony—and, of course, a better case outcome. Ignore it and the results can be quite costly. And that’s not just financially.
The elephant’s name is Stress. Depending on the number of witnesses in a case, that’s how many elephants there are. Some are baby elephants, easy to deal with. Some are quite developed and require a lot of finesse and understanding to handle. While I use the metaphor of an elephant, stress is not to be taken lightly.
Here are ways to recognize and tame the elephant.
Witnesses: Read - For Witnesses.
Attorneys: Read - For Attorneys (found below “For Witnesses” section)
FOR WITNESSES:
It’s essential to recognize that the quality of your life is more important than any lawsuit—no matter the outcome. If you’re going to be in a legal confrontation, it’s important to consider ways of taking care of yourself, in the process. I write this with best wishes from my heart to yours.
Lawsuits are quite often uncomfortable to go through, to say the least. Even being a non-party witness can be unexpectedly challenging and stressful. It’s essential to recognize this is normal and practice behaviors that will likely diminish your stress as much as possible. Understand that while giving testimony, neutral observers can easily misinterpret your body language and voice tonality when you’re under too much stress. If your uncomfortable feelings aren't managed, you can appear to others as if you’re not being fully honest and forth-coming. The less stress you're feeling and the more confident you are, the easier it'll be for you to have mental clarity, recall case facts concisely and maintain composure.
Relaxation & Well-Being CD - Due to the importance of dealing with stress head-on, I created the audio CD Relaxation & Well-Being. The more you listen to it, the greater the benefits you'll receive. While listening, I encourage you to participate fully (unless you fall asleep, of course). If you do fall asleep, your unconscious will still be listening. If you stay awake, when it says to take in a relaxed deep breath—do it. As it leads you on an imaginary journey, go with it. It's great to do just before going to sleep and also terrific to do before starting your day.
In order for you to feel entirely comfortable in letting go, you might want to listen to it once sitting up so you will remain awake and can hear everything. This will assure you it’s designed entirely for your benefit. If you don’t fully understand something initially, each time you listen it'll become clearer. When you’re awake while listening, you’ll want to do the requested physical gesture with your hand. Then remember to use it throughout the day when you’re not listening to the CD. Observe how your stress levels diminish.
My program, Ten Keys to Mastering Legal Testimony, offers you many priceless insights, secrets and techniques. This program shows you how to gain the best possible presentation skills, high levels of self-confidence and give compelling testimony. The last DVD in the series has an exercise called “Anchoring.” It’s presented as optional because I didn’t want to overwhelm program participants with what might appear as too much to do. However, this exercise is very powerful—especially when used in conjunction with the Relaxation CD (which comes with the program). Remember the power of repetition—the more you watch it, the more the knowledge and insights will become second nature to you.
Some signs you may be over-stressed: trouble sleeping, inability to stop thinking about a given subject, a desire for too many sweets and/or too much alcohol, quickness to offend or anger, anxiety, depression and numerous health challenges.
Possible Stress consequences - Events before, during and after a lawsuit can bring you various feelings that are hard to handle. These can range from relatively simple to seriously taxing. The following isn’t a desirable or complete list—but it’s important to recognize if you’re experiencing any of these: bitterness, grief, betrayal, shock, sadness, despair, depression, aggression, confusion, loneliness, apathy, feeling lost, desires for revenge, etc. While any of these may be understandable for you to experience, if felt for too long a period of time, the results can be destructive to your well-being. My suggestion is to work with them as quickly as possible.
Stress Antidotes – Things You Can Do - Stress is known to be toxic. You might want to do things that have brought a lot of people relief ... even great pleasure. Many of these remedies or behaviors we already know. Sometimes we merely need to be reminded. While some are easier to do than others—each is well worth the possible effort to get started. The “effort” usually requires us to get beyond our own resistance or inertia. A lot of these may be perceived to be unlikely luxuries—others too simple to help very much. I’m suggesting that the more of these you do, the greater likelihood you’ll have for positive results.
30 Examples of Helpful Actions You Can Take:
No matter how busy your life—you can incorporate some of these. No excuses; life is too precious.
In working with women facing extraordinary challenges in a maximum security prison, I’ve met many who made the decision ... even in that hostile and constrictive environment ... to seek the good and share it. I’m not exaggerating.
Thoughts to consider:
- Life isn’t always fair, but it’s still good.
- You are the one in charge of how you think, what you focus upon and how you
respond.
- Again, the quality of your life is more important than any lawsuit—no matter the
outcome.
For Attorneys:
Effects of Stress On Testimony & Case Outcomes –
The three most common and important components in a lawsuit are: clear evidence, competent legal counsel and effective witness testimony. The stronger each is, the more likely a successful case outcome. Of the three, my work focuses on witness testimony and how to have that be as convincing and reliable as possible.
We all know lawsuits are often very stressful for the parties involved. Yet stress is one of the least addressed and one of the most influential components facing almost everyone involved in a legal action. It can significantly impact the quality and reliability of testimony and case results.
Unfortunately, much of the legal community has a significant lack of recognition and knowledge regarding how to deal with this challenge. It is one of the most significant aspects that can diminish witness credibility and likability. Fortunately, there are things to do during preparation that can positively address this difficulty. I can not emphasize the following too strongly…
Why Is Dealing With A Witness’ Stress Important?
Too much stress can interfere with your witness' self-confidence, clear thinking, memory, composure and overall demeanor. It often manifests through unintended body language and voice tonalities that are easily misinterpreted. How many times have you watched a well-prepared witness unexpectedly become unraveled during testimony?
Red-flags of stress - Obvious nervousness, anxiety and emotional distress are easy to recognize. However, degrees of anger, sarcasm, profanity, defensiveness, superiority and/or flippant conduct often are overlooked signs. Many witnesses mistakenly use these as a show of strength to unconsciously compensate for their discomfort. To neutral observers these are often recognized as cover-ups or distractions to hide something. Both fear (often expressed as hesitancy to speak) and shame produce great stress, and are commonly misunderstood to signify guilt and lack of honesty. Confusion and forgetfulness brought on by stress can inadvertently infer a lack of confidence, which often is construed as a lack of truthfulness. I'm amazed how often legal counsel forgets to specifically address these issues with their witnesses. These behaviors all undermine reliability, likability and credibility.
Clients consistently attempt to ignore their more challenging thoughts and feelings because they don’t know how to deal with them (the elephant in the room syndrome). Many times they assume they should be able to handle stress by enduring through or ignoring it. Because you're not a psychiatrist or a psychologist, they’re often hesitant or too embarrassed to speak about their more deep and private concerns. Little do witnesses know the undesirable effects unattended stress can have on their presentation of testimony and possibly the outcome of their cases.
Stress in testimony is not reserved solely for the parties involved. I’ve had many a non-party witness tell me they were deeply shaken during and exhausted after testifying. They said it became hard to think clearly and not become confused and defensive.
Having given testimony over a dozen times, myself, I can easily relate. As an attorney, it’s wise to be on the watch for signs of stress and know how to suggest healthy methods for dealing with them. This is always addressed in my private sessions with clients. In my witness preparation program, Ten Keys to Mastering Legal Testimony, there are different techniques to utilize. These include an audio CD on Relaxation & Well-Being.
During legal matters in which I’ve personally been involved, I’ve had quite a few attorneys instruct me before a deposition to simply "relax and tell the truth." Many people have told me they’ve been given the same direction by legal counsel. While well-meaning, those words are almost totally ineffective when it comes to alleviating the stress normally experienced during testimony.
I’ve also had attorneys tell me when it came to them being a party in a lawsuit, they’re often surprised to experience their own unexpected discomfort and even distress when giving testimony. I’ve frequently heard an attorney comment, “I had no idea.” This occurs even though attorneys are far more equipped to deal with legal contention than are lay people. It’s often difficult to empathize until one has been in a similar situation.
Male Clients: Social programming has men, in general, thinking they “should” be able to handle challenges without much difficulty. As an example, I recall an ex-Viet Nam vet who'd been a POW three times. He held a high level black belt Karate degree. This remarkable man could handle almost anything. However, when he was party in a lawsuit and lies from the other side started distorting reality, he became profoundly affected. His instinct was to be a warrior in the situation. Try as he may to the contrary, before long he became seriously ill, even hospitalized. Fortunately, when his case settled, his illness quickly went away. Unfortunately, he wasn’t a client of mine. Either I or knowledgeable counsel could have offered alternatives that might have saved him a good deal of suffering, had he chosen to heed them.
Women Clients: This is not to imply that women are immune to stress. We simply have less social programming for us to appear impervious to it. Nevertheless, I’m reminded of a famous Australian case involving a woman who appeared shockingly void of feeling in court. She sat stoically wooden and expressionless while being tried for the murder of her missing son. Her claim he’d been killed by dingos (wild dogs) while on a camping trip was not believed.
The jury interpreted her strange behavior to mean she was capable of cold-blooded murder and, with no evidence to the contrary, found her guilty. She was sent to prison. Some time later remains of her son’s body were found, DNA testing proved his identity and that he’d, indeed, been killed by dingos. Clearly, her understandably terrible shock and grief—and not knowing how to deal with the stress from them—were tragically misinterpreted as guilt. Apparently her legal counsel didn't know how to help her show the normal humanity to which a jury could relate.
What attorneys can do:
For your clients, your acknowledgment of stress' commonality in lawsuits is essential. Clients will follow your knowledgeable lead when they grasp the importance and value of stress management. Help them understand that dealing with stress is highly important in every way for the best case preparation. Let them know their preparation for their presentation and dealing with stress is indispensible.
Your suggestions for how to handle stress, along with your encouragement and enthusiasm to do so, are critical. Explain how stress impacts the quality and persuasiveness of testimony (addressed above). Perhaps have them read the information written to Witnesses on this website (above). Give them a copy of my program, Ten Keys to Mastering Legal Testimony, to view many times in the comfort of their home. My private services might also be deemed appropriate. All of these will go a long way in preparing them mentally, emotionally and physically—thereby significantly diminishing stress.
The better prepared your witnesses are, the more confident, competent, convincing and reliable their testimony will be. The benefit to both case outcomes and your clients’ overall well-being will be immense.
NOTICE! Always check with your official legal counsel to verify any advice. This website is designed and intended for general information only. The information presented at this site should not be construed to be formal legal advice, nor the formation of a lawyer/client relationship.
Los Angeles, CA
ph: 818.784.3001
fax: 818.784.3090
Info